Sunday, 03 August 2008

  • And it happens all over again..

    I swing from feeling ultra happy, in control and excited about life to being confused and overwhelmed.

    I thought ENTP's were supposed to be emotionally stable.

    Does that mean I'm not an ENTP? If that's true then I will be ultra depressed. I really like being an ENPT >.>

    And of course I am in control of everything and I determine what I feel and I decide where I want to be right now. And if you're somewhere else, then that's where you have to be right now. But that has nothing to do with where I am at. And if I let myself get involved with you, then I will be dragged to where you're at. Instead I choose not to get involved. Except... is that what I really want?

    Okay so we don't get unlimited opportunities. But is that me saying that you don't get unlimited opportunities with me? Or is that the universe saying that I wont get unlimited opportunities with him?

    And what happened to not seeing you're ex's again because you must have broken up for a reason. And since people don't change why waste more time?

    And already I can see the patterns reemerging. The way it feels. The anticipation. The anxiety. The tension. The relief. And then all over again. Except if it were really real, and if it were really good and wholesome and loving and affectionate and intimate.. then I wouldn't feel that way right.

    I suppose he could never treat me the way I deserve to be treated. And he will never make me feel the security, love and acceptance that one would think to be associated with relationship of the intimate kind. He is much too emotionally immature. So I suppose this is it. :)

    Which is brilliant. But then.. what of our friendship? It's never that simple.. but I'm sure it will work out.

    Much love

    Arnina
    xx

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