Friday, 13 March 2009

• Privacy

  I wonder if there is anything we can ever do without somebody whom we don't want to to find out, finding out eventually. One of the questions on an application form for the Army Reserves was "have you ever been to see a psychologist before". Now I am afraid to ever go see a psychologist just in case I have to answer one of those questions followed by a "if yes please explain".

  I wonder if everybody is screwed up. If so, why does society insist on maintaining such strict rules for 'normal' when nobody really is and therefore there is no such thing. Perhaps 'normal' is the aspiration for all mediocre people and 'outstanding' is the aspiration for the successful ones.

  I wonder if I will ever be the kind of successful I have always thought indisputable, and instead be mediocre. I am afraid that if I don't step up now, my life will be a series of failed attempts and missed opportunities, the highlights of which revolve around thoughts of the past what could have been.

  I wonder how long I can stay here without exploding. I understand that there must be consequences and that they are not always pleasant but this doesn't seem to be temporary. Maybe I am going about it all wrong and I should reconsider my position. However, that requires clarity of mind, foresight, decision making and a certainty, all of which are in short supply at the moment.

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