azn_gurl_27's Xanga

pink!

Sat, 08 Aug 2009 01:21:29 GMT

the deed is done. my hair is pink.

eeeeeeee ^^^^

am not posting pictures until i lighten my eyebrows... now i just look wayyyy asian. ><

muaxx

pink

Thu, 06 Aug 2009 15:11:30 GMT

i want to dye my hair pink.

please.

^^

I'm Back

Thu, 06 Aug 2009 04:31:45 GMT

Well maybe not completely, but I'm definitely on my way. I've taken a lot of important steps heading in the right direction.

It's been hard, but it's getting less hard everyday. I feel alive again. I have goals and dreams and aspirations and I can feel myself moving closer to their realisation. I feel productive again.

It's fantastic.

Love lots

Arnina

Eyes wide open

Fri, 10 Apr 2009 13:43:30 GMT

My eyes are open now.

I see that I have let myself be influenced so easily because I was weak. I did not have a strong goal or a clear enough direction and so let myself be steered to fit somebody else's ideals. It was my fault. I kept compromising who I was.. who I am. It's become clearer and clearer and I need to find who I am again. I recently started suspecting and it became definitively clear when, after completing the Jung Personality test, I found that even my personality, the thing which defines who one is had changed. The ENTP who I was so proud to be associated with turned into an ESFP..... and the E was very weak..

I have changed. I don't know what happened to that enthusiastic, bubbly, intelligent, self assured, fun loving, spontaneous, free spirited girl. I miss her. I want her back.

My eyes are open now. I know what I want and I know how to get there.

Privacy

Fri, 13 Mar 2009 08:00:35 GMT

I wonder if there is anything we can ever do without somebody whom we don't want to to find out, finding out eventually. One of the questions on an application form for the Army Reserves was "have you ever been to see a psychologist before". Now I am afraid to ever go see a psychologist just in case I have to answer one of those questions followed by a "if yes please explain".

I wonder if everybody is screwed up. If so, why does society insist on maintaining such strict rules for 'normal' when nobody really is and therefore there is no such thing. Perhaps 'normal' is the aspiration for all mediocre people and 'outstanding' is the aspiration for the successful ones.

I wonder if I will ever be the kind of successful I have always thought indisputable, and instead be mediocre. I am afraid that if I don't step up now, my life will be a series of failed attempts and missed opportunities, the highlights of which revolve around thoughts of the past what could have been.

I wonder how long I can stay here without exploding. I understand that there must be consequences and that they are not always pleasant but this doesn't seem to be temporary. Maybe I am going about it all wrong and I should reconsider my position. However, that requires clarity of mind, foresight, decision making and a certainty, all of which are in short supply at the moment.

Saturday, October 25, 2008

Sat, 25 Oct 2008 11:33:23 GMT

hi roger. you wish. =p

Monday, September 29, 2008

Mon, 29 Sep 2008 08:07:43 GMT

okay. so no more quasi relationship and now there's a real relationship!

wow. It's very mature and honest and open and there is a lot of communication. eeee how exciting and scary but mostly exciting.

Update expansion

Fri, 12 Sep 2008 02:28:18 GMT

Blog more eh?

Quantity for quality? Hopefully not. Maybe we can have both.. or maybe I'm just procrastinating because I so cant be bothered starting my 40% research assignment due on Monday. Hmm.

More on the quasi relationship? Ha. Knew you were interested. It's "quasi" by my choice. And thinking about that... that's all I really want to say about it at the moment. HA.

I'm just balancing a lot of things right now and hopefully I shan't fall over and have them all crashing down on me but I have been extremely honest and candid and hopefully everything shall be fine. However I have been withholding some information.. which I don't think is too important but will probably turn out to be so in the future.. But it's not the future and it's not important right now so why get ahead of ourselves?

EDIT:// And where is the fine line between being friendly and leading someone on? And should you even care that much as long as your intentions are pure?

That is all

Should really study. :(

Love Much
xx

Update

Sun, 07 Sep 2008 07:38:32 GMT

happy. :)

Updates

I have an iphone yay!
exams exams exams
In a quasi-relationship HA.
More in control of stuffs yay
Have red hair.. but not bright enough for my liking
Think am getting fatter - should exercise
Have huge trouble getting up
Lack of urgency
But happy :)
Oh and awesome friends as always :)

Love Much!

Arnina

And it happens all over again..

Sun, 03 Aug 2008 06:25:42 GMT

I swing from feeling ultra happy, in control and excited about life to being confused and overwhelmed.

I thought ENTP's were supposed to be emotionally stable.

Does that mean I'm not an ENTP? If that's true then I will be ultra depressed. I really like being an ENPT >.>

And of course I am in control of everything and I determine what I feel and I decide where I want to be right now. And if you're somewhere else, then that's where you have to be right now. But that has nothing to do with where I am at. And if I let myself get involved with you, then I will be dragged to where you're at. Instead I choose not to get involved. Except... is that what I really want?

Okay so we don't get unlimited opportunities. But is that me saying that you don't get unlimited opportunities with me? Or is that the universe saying that I wont get unlimited opportunities with him?

And what happened to not seeing you're ex's again because you must have broken up for a reason. And since people don't change why waste more time?

And already I can see the patterns reemerging. The way it feels. The anticipation. The anxiety. The tension. The relief. And then all over again. Except if it were really real, and if it were really good and wholesome and loving and affectionate and intimate.. then I wouldn't feel that way right.

I suppose he could never treat me the way I deserve to be treated. And he will never make me feel the security, love and acceptance that one would think to be associated with relationship of the intimate kind. He is much too emotionally immature. So I suppose this is it. :)

Which is brilliant. But then.. what of our friendship? It's never that simple.. but I'm sure it will work out.

Much love

Arnina
xx